Fear and Love

When my spiritual awakening and exploration journey started about ten years ago, I remember coming across a book, named something like “Love over fear” (if I am right it’s by Dan White Jr.)

It was then when I heard for the first time about the idea that we humans, ultimately, if we look deep enough, act either out of fear or Love.

Yesterday I put myself into a situation where I learned pretty soon that I was acting out of a rather distorted form of Love (aka fear).

Throughout my life I have been having moments of, you could call them awakenings or simply realizations about the nature “true Love”.

The insights come usually by surprise and are profound, often causing tears. Tears of beauty, joy, and – right after the realization – often also tears of pain because I realize how twisted my view of love and the world sometimes is.

This true Love is so ineffable, so indescribable.
Something that, I find, can only really be experienced.

Your task is not to find Love, but to open up to it ~ Katja S.

From one perspective that I see, we humans are in the situations we are in because many of us have a very distorted perception of what “love” means.

And as I see it, it is inevitable for us to expand our understanding of Love.
To open ourselves up to the omnipresent “true” Love that is, in fact, within all of us us and all around us, is crucial if we are to find solutions to today’s individual and global / collective problems.

Back to my story:

So yesterday I got into a (for me) pretty heated  conversation with someone about the current world situation and you could say that our experiences, views, beliefs and opinions clashed.

I got into a place where I wanted the other person to understand and see my point.

I wanted them to agree with me SO BADLY.

And after a while of messaging (yes we did it through messenger 🤪) back and forward, I felt so sad, so angry, so overwhelmed and so far away from what I also know to be true.

That is:
Love allows.
Love lets be.
Love is.

And I was not that 😭

I was in a  p r e t t y  distorted form of the cosmic intelligence that this Love is.
I was in a pattern of wanting to be understood so I could feel “loved”.

So in the midst of all this I realized:
I am much in my pain body.
I am much coming from a place inside of myself that is looking for outside validation and not getting it.

I also came from a place of fear. Fear of people not getting the point of Love. But I tried to communicate that in a bit of a strange way 😏

So I decided to pull back.

I knew it was time to get back to myself and into myself.

Starting at personal development step one: “You cannot change what happens outside of you but you can change how you RESPOND.”

It was time for me to reconnect to myself.
To get back to MY ground. To reflect.

If I feel misunderstood from another person I have also learned, it is usually an indicator that I am not actually and truly understanding myself. And with “myself” I mean me on a heart and soul level.
If I feel frustrated with the outside world and notice myself fighting a fight that just feels life sucking, I see it as a call to get back in touch with me. And with Love.

So I circled back home.

I held myself and asked to be held by my beloved.

I gave space to my frustration until it softened into sadness, tears and tenderness and, as often happens when emotions get released, I received moments of crystal clarity.

Some of them I will humbly try to share:

I saw so clearly where I had still been buying into distorted views of the world.

Love does not care whether there are conspiracies going on.

Love does not even care whether people live or die.

Because we are with Love the whole time anyway, no matter the form we’re in.

And Love showed me so clearly that, if I buy into the ideas of “a bad and monstrous system that is out to get us” I am actually co-creating this reality because, especially we here in the conscious/spiritual community, don’t we always talk about “you create your reality with your thoughts and beliefs”? – And I actually know that this is true because I see this in my life.

So if I believe and think and even TALK about evil shit, I am actively part taking in the creation of such.

Instead, Love showed me this perspective:
(note: you could also refer to “Love” here as “God” or as I also often do “cosmic intelligence” – whatever floats your boat – currently, to me it feels like “Love”)

Love showed me how the consciousness on this planet is in large parts still pretty diminished. or “in the dark.”

How the things that are happening are happening as a result of the consciousness level that we in large parts are in. 
And that therefore the thing that MAKES MOST SENSE FOR me to do, is to look after my own state of (well-)being.

Take my own state of consciousness in to MY HANDS.

And this, my dear love who is reading this, is what came out of the turmoil from last nights conversation with another human.

It triggered me into a new awareness.

And now it is my task to go and live that insight.

That’s where the real challenge lies.

All the enlightening, awakening and AHA moments are beautiful but mean little, if I don’t get into the embodiment of them.

And how do I get into the embodiment of these insights?

I keep going through my life with the intention to be more aware, practice things that help me to stay rooted in this enlightening experience, such as contemplation, meditation, movement of the body in ways that feels supportive to this realization, going into nature, hugging a tree, lying down in the grass or on the forest floor, changing how I talk, all this kinda stuff….and yep, that is pretty challenging and I am most likely going to fuck up and have moments of frustration and break downs with breakthroughs again 😏

But it seems that this is what I signed up for. My soul decided…and now I, my soul, my body and the other parts living inside of this body-mind-soul-complex live this experience as human, trusting the journey and learning to ever more deeply accept all parts of it. 💕😭👩🧙‍♀️👽

If you read up until here, I thank you.

It really means a lot to me 🤍

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