Selflove is a popular trend these days.


it seems that the focus often lays on mainly giving ourselves spa time, eating certain foods & posting our self-loving self on social media. Or something like this.
While some of those things can certainly be part of loving ourselves, many of us seem to struggle to actually do those good things for ourselves as a regular habit.

Why is that?

My answer is: Because we have a bodymind, which can also be referred to as our unconscious mind.

If there is an inner conflict of interests, it points towards the fact that there are aspects of our consciousness that are not on board with us being our most loving and conscious, awake and alive self.

Writing this I even feel a bit looney. Because WHY would somebody not want to be their most loving, conscious and alive self?

Well, here comes an explanation:

At some points in our lives we decided that certain behavioural strategies worked for us. Even at the detriment of our own authenticity and true needs.

Our current society puts profits, status and some distorted version of “what is good” before our true human biological needs.
This creates a situation in which, as children, we adapt and learn to suppress our true needs.
What are these true needs?
So far, I have come to learn that they are:

  • Deep and meaningful connections
  • Emotional safety and reliability from the people around me
  • Authenticity
  • Honesty
  • Clear communication.
    Meaning: I (and the other person) are aware of what is really going on within and communicate that.
    Not some distorted version of what is going on within.
  • Being accepted, loved, welcomed, acknowledegd, even celebrated (there are more verbs I could use here..) for who we authentically are
  • Rest
  • Play
  • Physcial touch (without sexual intentions!)
  • and more…

Can you see how these things are very unpresent in our current societal structures?

How this creates restlessness within a human?

People become consumer-machines if their true needs aren’t met.

People become ill if their true needs aren’t met.

Rest and play aren’t just for pensioners or children. It is for all humans.
It is important for us in order to thrive and be wholly healthy.

But because our society widely values other things, we learn to care more about those things than our true needs.


As children, we learned to suppress our authentic expression, our true needs and our innermost selves because we learned that we are “better” if we are well behaved instead of honest and direct.

We learned that our emotions are too much and better be kept at a lower volume.

Many of us learned sooner or later that life is not really there to have fun or to relax.
So some of us actually only start taking care of our body when it is in an unwell state.

We learned to ignore our emotions and bodily needs, pushing for recognition in the most distorted ways (money, status, achievements, physical appearance,…).

While all we probably ever really wanted was to just be loved.
As a happy baby and as a screaming baby.
As a happy child and as an angry child.
We wanted to learn about life by following our curiosity.
Not by having our heads stuffed with a bunch of strange information that was then being valued on the basis of numbers and letters.
Rarely did someone pay attention to our deep inner self and what this aspect of our human experience has to bring to the table.


Enough with the gloomy talk now.

I am here to co-shift this paradigm with those who want to do so too.

And I see that we are moving into new territory. We are increasingly learning to ask and feel ourselves more deeply. People ARE hungry for a different way of relating and being.
More and more humans have less interest in the old ways of being human and there seems to be an increasing desire for more aliveness and true connection.

I hope, you can feel it too. At least within yourself. That is sufficient ÔÖí

So on our journey of selflove we get to explore ourselves in depth and see what aspects of ourselves there are – hungry for true connection.
Hungry for physical touch.
Hungry for being accepted.
Hungry for being loved and acknowledged for who we are.
Hungry for being recognized in our pain and joy.
Hungry for authenticity.

We get to give ourselves unconditional love, care, acceptance, compassion,…
And we get to go out into the world and seek for those humans who are on a similar trajectory.

To sum it up:

In the past, aspects of our consciousness got formed in response to a (perceived) threatening or painful situation. Those aspects formed so we could continue our life in a functioning, but not necessarily healthy way.
There comes a time when these coping or survival mechanisms are no longer serving us.
There comes a time when we may begin to suffer from these coping mechanisms.
And this is the time for some of us when we decide we want to do things differently.

Thank you if you read all the way until here. I believe it means that you are on the path a new kind of love and human-ness.

Wishing you a good one, Katja ÔÖą´ŞĆ